If you would've asked me five years ago to wear a crop top, I would've looked at you like you'd lost your mind. It's not that I didn't find them cute. I just didn't think they were for women... my size. Insecurity is a B-I- T- you know the rest.
After laying in the bed for the past few weeks recovering from surgery, I realized a few things.
Many of you know that I've been suffering from PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) for many years. In July, it took a turn for the worst. I had to get four procedures done, and one of them meant that I would never have any more children. This very thought plagued my soul for weeks, even before the surgery took place. I was fearful and I was downright SAD.
I thought about the baby shower theme that has been in my head for years that I'll never get to have. I thought about my husband's desire for a big family coming to an unfortunate end. I thought about the many daydreams I had of me playing with a little girl who would look just like me, that would never come true. I was haunted by my own thoughts. And even still, it's a struggle at times.
But then, it hit me. I had a conversation with my granny (y'all... my granny means EV-ER-Y-THING to me). She said something that rocked my world. As I contemplated NOT getting the surgery, we talked about my aunt who passed from the very issues that this surgery would be attempting to avoid and correct. She, like me, was hoping for children. But unlike me, she had no biological children. I have one and he is amazing. Granny said, "You can't put yourself at risk for the ones you wanted; you have to LIVE for the one you have!"
Lawddddddddd that hit me like a ton of bricks! She was so right. How would my son be impacted by an untimely passing of his mother, all in an attempt to have more children? Nope. Come on with the knife, doc.
I know the surgery was more life or death, but it put some smaller things in perspective for me as well. How many things have you wanted to do but did not do, because you didn't have something else first? How many times did I delay starting my business because I had no degree, even though I already had the skills? How many times have you avoided carrying out dreams, because everything else around you wasn't in perfect conditions? How many times do we not do something we really want to do, because somebody told us that wasn't a good idea, even if we thought it was? And HOW MANY TIMES did I pass up on cute crop tops, because I thought I needed a flat belly first before I could wear it?!
Well, I can't redo all of my missed opportunities. But I did see one that I could... I called Star and BOOM! We made some Crop Top magic happen!
I'm still recovering from surgery, but I learned to be grateful... for life, for love, for family, for friends, for curves, and even for my belly.
Styled by Star Campbell